I wish I had never had to type those words. I doubt I would have ever been 'ready' to let him go. He was only 59 years old, it was way too soon. Coroner's report (I took the phone call so my mom wouldn't have to) was enlarged heart (undiagnosed), it just stopped. No signs of heart disease or a heart attack. I guess they are right when they say our hearts only have so many beats in them. He had reached the end of his.
The viewing is tonight, the funeral tomorrow. I have clothes for the kids and me, hotel reserved, food for the family to eat at the viewing, HR & manager at new job informed, all those other random loose ends tied up that mean I can ignore my normal world for 2 days.
(In case you didn't know, I get very tasky 'must check off To Do list' when I'm stressed.)
I hate crying, I hate missing him, I hate thinking about all the stuff we were going to do together and can't now.
Most of all I don't like knowing that I'll never get another blog comment that ends with "Love, Dad".