I'm kinda tired of my life being mostly on hold still. I really thought 'graduate nursing school, get a full time job, yay my life is finally together!' And now almost 4 months later, I'm still not there. I truly apologize for being such a broken record. It's just I feel like most days I'm digging around for spare change to pay the bills while I'm applying to 5-10 RN jobs weekly and never hearing anything from anyone. It's super frustrating to say the least.
The 'on hold' part is probably mostly mental, sure I could possibly be making plans but in general everything I want to do costs money. Even the really little things. The kids' jean quilts, I need money for the flannel backs. Driving to see friends, I need gas money. The kids want fall clothes, I need new clothes and contact lenses, we need shampoo, laundry detergent, etc. I am so tired of waiting and there's nothing I can really do to make this better other than keep doing what I'm doing: applying for jobs, talking to my contacts (which are dwindling as people change jobs) and just racking up the days as a volunteer RN (my pseudo RN experience at the moment).
So far I've managed to keep myself out of depression but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep a Pollyanna attitude. The divorce was suppose to be the hardest part of my life. Nursing school was suppose to be the hardest part of my life. Now? Now, I'm suppose to be working and looking back and saying 'I've come so far!' Instead the hardest part of my life is still hanging on as I'm unemployed. This sucks. I'm so tired of it. I keep thinking, 'it could all change tomorrow!' and then several tomorrows come and go and I'm still unemployed.
It's a good thing I'm stubborn because if I wasn't, I think I would have given up a long long time ago.